blueskygreenpastures

din strike 4D but got good customer service...

2007-09-30T08:26:00.000-07:00

Had the fortune to encounter good customer service twice today. At *sprit, the salesgirl repackaged the new wallet to its original form upon my inspection, after hearing it was meant to be a gift. The customer service officer at *O Bank credit card hotline offered to redeem and offset my reinstated reward points to my next bill, a procedure which would have taken two phone calls, form filling and faxing work. On both occasions I was impressed with the initiative, patience and thoughtfulness of the service staff who attended to me, and expressed profusely my appreciation. Then...

"If you are happy with my service, pls fill in this feedback form ..."
"If you are satisfied with my service, you can feedback through this email address..."

i think my smile must have freezed at the instance the fluffy feeling evaporated.

Love in Reel Life

2007-08-14T11:06:00.000-07:00

As I tossed and turned to yet another insomniac night
my mind filled with images of Coffee Prince #13

I was suddenly enlightened with an alternative expression

of the so-called mystery of love.

To Chan and Gyul, love is o' so sweet
not in exaggerated straining of liver and intestines
but in simplicity of Chan's hug with the assuring words
when he confided his remorse from ignorant wilfulness.

A sop queen constantly in self-denial
unlike my fellow kopi princess in unabashed forthrightness
my tear ducts stimulated as I replayed the scene
the essence of love which I realised but yet verified its existence.

It's the show of vulnerability that one exposes to the other
of which pride has no meaning.
The promise to say all unspoken, no matter how silly it seems
living in the moment, treasuring each belongedth minute
I truly understood the times it wasn't meant to be.

He was conceited - we were on unequal footing
how he loved to put me down
i should have realised
if he would never surrender his weakness
one-sided insecurity would always render me naught

He was befuddled - though he put me on the pedestal
how I resisted to roll my eyes
I eventually realised
one-sided sympathy won't add chemistry
mutual dependence makes fonder thy heart

How close to real life will this love be,
when the someone has found me at last?

Lessons from 争分夺秒

2007-08-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

For the past month I have been living a committed lifestyle devoted to catching Hong Kong's TVB drama 争分夺秒 from 10-11pm every weekday night. (Apart from keeping me from updating my blog, this is now the source of ~~frustration~~ inspiration for this latest entry.) The drama traces the police's month-long (1-30 April 2004) efforts to bring HK's biggest druglord, Hou Wenhua, and his father, Zheng Kun, a fugitive from HK and Thailand's major druglord and richest businessman, to justice. The concept of the show is refreshing, each episode chronicles a full day from midnight to midnight. As the story involves several characters, events are fast paced and over the course of the police-and-thief chase, characters buckle under the pressure of interrelated events, and circumstances unfold unexpectedly due to cause-and-effect. It was enough to hook me and my mom to the TV every night. We finally caught the last episode half an hour ago and what remained was lots of 闷气. What promised to be a thrilling Infernal Affairs-like drama became a satire of man's folly.

In the show, 6 main characters died - 4 policmen and the 2 bad guys.

All the characters (except policeman Feng) saw this 龙王 in Thailand who is well-known for his accurate prophecies. Thirty years ago,龙王 predicted that Zheng Kun, then a fresh penniless fugitive, to be able to start life anew in Thailand and indeed he prospered and became successful economically and politically. Thirty years later, Zheng Kun lost both his sons and wanted to kill 龙王. After receiving two strikes from Zheng's walking stick, 龙王remained unfazed (I wonder if he predicted that Zheng would come to hit him??) and in the nick of time, he saved his skin by asking Zheng to take a gun to help him "disperse the hatred in him". Zheng fired a few shots at 龙王 at close range but missed miraculously. 龙王calmly asked Zheng to point the gun at himself so that he can end his suffering by killing himself and miraculously too the gun was unloaded. Zheng was overwhelmed with emotion and cried. Again 龙王 had his say that Zheng was now "reborn" and hence no more hatred in him. Zheng saw the awakening and decided to confess to the HK police his wrongdoing and he died in peace waiting to be deported to HK. You would have figured out by now that 龙王is a F#%king 神棍, he gave a wink to Zheng's companion, Dong, when the latter found out that the gun was loaded after all. I guess 龙王has a few 真言ready to suit all occasions.

Prophecy 1: 龙王 told Hou Wenhua, the biggest villain, in the show that month end will signal either his fall or victory. Hou died on 28 Apr way before the events climaxed.

Prophecy 2: 龙王 told Huang Sir (who wanted to know what he revealed to Hou previously) that Huang would not live to see the fate of Hou. Huang did not tell 龙王that he had final stage cancer and had only few days to live. Huang died on 30 Apr 11.28pm

Prophecy 3: 龙王 told Sam, Thai police undercover as Zheng's foster son, that he would die in his mission in HK. He died in Thailand cos he lost his life on a coin toss.

Prophecy 4: 龙王 told Zheng that he will lose one son at the expense of another. Zheng lost two sons and later under gunpoint 龙王said that his loss is due to his 执迷不悔and evil deeds. DIAOx4

Actually the source of my complaints has nothing to do with 龙王's phony prophecies but rather lives were lost not due to heroism but plain foolishness. A real mega letdown to the competency of the policemen in the show!

Hou, the incumbent villain with lotsa bite, died cos he was shot first by a very very irritating Peng Hui, who was his mistress but left him for Feng the policeman, and then later by Feng. Three days before, he suffered a serious injury after being stabbed by Peng who wanted to keep her lover safe from the crutches of Hou. What a glorious end to the 大坏蛋 who has no qualms about even murdering his own brother. Peng Hui has no contribution to the story except to mess up the lives of Hou and Feng and later indirectly Sam's and Dong's. She fell in love with Feng cos she kept seeing him appearing in the places she frequented, started following him (early signs of her psychosis), insisted on cooking a meal for him, and waited a day and night like an idiot for Feng at a supermarket. This incurred the wrath of Hou who kidnapped and killed Feng's daughter. Feng's life as a boring unambitious policeman took a 360 degree turn after knowing Peng and to protect the crazy hallucinating woman, he killed Hou, made all police efforts to arrest Hou on charges of drug dealing futile, hence rendered Dong doing undercover for three years for nothing, shot his good friend Sam and finally went mad himself and shot Dong the long-suffering undercover. Damn ridiculous.

Sam and Dong could have survived their gunshots but they chose to be complete wimps and died wasting time. Sam walked all the way to his fav street stall and chatted up the noodle seller he had a seven-month crush on. He limped to the flower stall, stared at the roses he wanted to get his girl and collapsed there. Dong got shot by the lunatic Feng and on the way to the hospital, declined treatment and obstinately went to find his girlfriend. Earlier he was still persuading Feng to surrender to the police, that to protect Peng, he had to stay alive! If they had gone to the hospital, they could have lived! 白痴大笨蛋! 这么简单的道理也不知道！

My fav character of the show, the grim-faced Huang Sir, was a real hero from start to finish. (He had a phenomenal rise to the top ranks of the Criminal Investigation Bureau and was noted for his flair in writing reports -- the nerdy me LIKEx3..) He died too but at least he completed all his tasks before he sat down, smiled (probably his first in the show), called his girlfriend and then lost consciousness. He knew where to place his priorties correctly. Not like the other stupid men in the show, of whose foolishness I have encountered in real life time and again. For someone who anticipated his death, Huang Sir lived his life for the few days he had and not squandered them for blind romantism. I want a man like that.

An ode to Bums and Butts

2007-07-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

hello Bums
i love the way u dress in blue
almost everything i'll do to bring you back.

goodbye Recognition
i hate to give U up to Brown Noser
SuperMan i'm not so why pretend?

hello Pride
i love U too much to compromise
artistic obstinacy and hot air is what i keep.

goodbye "Creativity"
i can't believe i lost U to bureaucracy laced with idiocracy
it was bigotry that won the day.

goodbye...

寻找“玖泊地”

2007-04-08T20:16:00.000-07:00

In approximately three weeks, my search will be over.

What will my geobody be like?
- read my paper

Will it be a revolutionary look at Malaysia and Singapore?
- unfortunately not! Then why am I slogging my ass off? I rather return to my prodigal roots than be exploring the reasons why I need a passport to do shopping at City Square...

What contribution will it give to society?
- the same answer to what usefulness are the other nine trillion research papers cluttering library, archival and cyber space

Would it have changed history?
- YES! History is constantly being reinterpreted though it wouldn't have changed my life nor the 20 million ones around me...

What are the opportunity costs?
- sleep, spotless complexion, all the M-size garments (!!!), movies, invaluable time with frens, yakking with mom, prospective boyfriend (whom I would have met if I have time socialising), a better sense of humor (diminished by crappines and neurosis due to lack of sleep)

What good has it have done me do far?
- saving $ from shopping for cab fares to NUS

Why am I still mulling over geobody?
- IDEALISM & blind FAITH (plus perverse pleasure for self-torture)

Most importantly, I do it for myself (and for you). Just to get myself onto your "TO DO" list, I would have done it 3x over (eh maybe... :P)

Thank you and good luck! I will miss you...

2007-03-16T21:25:00.000-07:00

Brenda's latest blog entry after a hiatus of two weeks reminds me of a character's quote from the History Boys: "History is one fucking thing after another." How true... What is history to me? History is meaningless till it gets interpreted and reinterpreted. It's lost time given meaning. This is my way of justifying my time spent dozing off/sleeping/stoning/daydreaming/blogging (:P) when I should have been synthesizing my readings. Something I have to learn to come to terms with... dealing with lost time...

sleepless in membina...

2007-02-20T08:32:00.000-08:00

is it the kahlua coffee that's keeping me going
or is it what I heard over coffee?

why was it that mt faber failed to look as enchanting
was it cos i saw too much shimmer?

is it human not to see the one afront
or is it plain foolish one doesn't let go?

why was it that i could not get the maps talking
was it cos i din decode their musings?

is it the impossible i'm pursuing
or is it the gap i have yet to unravel?

i'm not sure if i can eat/sleep/drink/breathe this research
cant really complain this is losing me sleep
over maps/territories/malaya/singapore/nationalism
or a thousand chaotic imagings of the restive mind
maybe it is just the coffee...

The best button job...

2007-02-13T07:09:00.000-08:00

was the one I did for T. One of the buttons on his shirt came off and it was the rare occasion I saw the usually confident and self-assured him flustered. I jokingly offered to help him for five bucks and got a snarl instead. I can still remember the light-yellow shirt smelled strongly of detergent as I held it. Never have I put in so much heart and effort in a sewing job (sorry mom!). I myself was in awe of the deftness and neatness of the endeavour as I admired the button that was back snuggly where it belonged. That was the power of (de)illusion of sewing for your loved one...no expectation of return just the plain contentment of giving...

加油！

2007-02-10T18:59:00.000-08:00

I am procrastinating (again) in what I should be doing as I write. After getting some (weak) lead on my research, I figured I can afford 15 minutes of distraction (and yellow fever)...

It was Wednesday when I had to work late again. Arrrgghhhh, there goes my plan for some reading. As I plodded through the defence slides with aching back and limbs, I was on the verge of tears as I needed just that 1.5hr of nap time so that I could keep going at night with my discussion prep for next day. It was a lost cause and as I braced myself to keep a positive work attitude, I was reminded of the greasy fries that Ruppie had the day before. That's it, greasy fries! If a plane should crash into OUB Centre half an hour later, I wanna die eating greasy fries!

As I munched on, I realised I had not had real fries for sooooooooooooo loooooooong. Greasy fries without the oil pressed out with layers of napkins. And it made me very contented. The fatigue went away. In place returned my sense of humor +)

birdy quotes

2007-01-29T07:18:00.000-08:00

Bud was very smug about her ingenuity when she quoted me her latest on men being cuckoos with varying birdiness. I have to say I did not appreciate its full essence till I pondered over all the trash I have been hearing from the XDDs around me for the past week.

First it was my bro the Iddiott who was blindly (literally) head over heels with the psychotic Bwitch after he was dumped and begged his way back for the second time:
"I don't want to end this relationship on a bad note as she may become my colleague and then make hell for me in the workplace...Let me see after she manages to change her job..."
Only mom has the patience to listen to this crap and then repeat to me. A mother's love is indeed unconditional.

Then it was DY who claimed he could understood Idiott's stupidity:
"Guys can take a lot of shit for the girls they like. Like I used to do for my ex.."
For the record he is still taking a lot of grief, not from his gf but from his parents, uncles and a cancer-stricken auntie whose first concern after puking in front of him was to persuade him to leave his Malay gf:
"I don't understand why they can be so prejudiced. Can't they just leave me to deal with this myself? Even if eventually I have to face problems, suffer heartbreak...if I have to learn like this then let me do it..."
Another siao one...

The most absurb dialogue I heard was from the TVB drama "War and Beauty". Sun Baiyang the imperial physician tried to console his love, the concubine-wannabe Yuying when she failed to sleep with the king(?!?!). I burst out laughing after hearing the following (not exact diaolgue but meaning roughly):
"Your relationship with the emperor is like that of husband and wife, you do not exist just to serve him but to love him with all thoughtfulness. There are many beauties in the palace but it does not mean that he will be too distracted to notice you. As long as you love him with great sincerity and heart, he will eventually realise your love and appreciate you..."
Next Sun brings Yuying to seduce the emperor to consummate the union. Absolute crap. I bet the scriptwriter is a cuckoo too.

Ruppie makes the most sense when he gave the birdiest speech in response to DY's predicament:
"Has your friend ever thought he has to give up kway zhap forever if he continues to date the girl? When I had my first girlfriend who was a Malay, it was painful having to give up kway zhap and eventually I couldn't take it and had to hide at home to eat my kway zhap. Kway zhap is one of the best things in life to give up on. It's such a small thing yet it brings so much joy to life. Pls remind your friend that..."
He said this with so much conviction and passion that I could hear the ghost of a deafening applause from all of us in the room. That persuaded Justin the angmoh to try kway zhap during lunch...

A song for me...

2007-01-25T08:17:00.000-08:00

I am being delusional here...somehow this seems to be a song written just for me. Maybe I am just colour-blind...LOL

Yellow - Coldplay
Look at the stars;
look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah, they were all yellow

I came along;
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow

Your skin,
oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know?
You know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across;
I jumped across for you
Oh what a thing to do
'Cos you were all yellow

I drew a line;
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

And your skin,
oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know?
For you I bleed myself dry
For you I bleed myself dry

It's true
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for…

Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qI8I6qcxWyU#

some things I miss ...

2007-01-23T04:57:00.000-08:00

mood...

walking from Chinatown to Tiong Bahru
riding in the train on a gloomy day
reading over breakfast at Pret A Manger before work
enchanting trees lining the sides along the road trip
seeing stars through the car window
strolling along the wet shiny streets of the Old Town

him...
the charming smile that hooked me that fateful morning he strided in
the awkwardness as he struggled to articulate at Olio Dome
the dedication as he guided the granny along the railings

past...
leaping mom with the winning ticket
evening trips to the Econ minimart
kneading dumplings at grandaunt's place
dining at burger joint by the Malaccan beach
listening to one of Jia Por's stories
decorating the sports day banner with the girls
behaving like silly schoolgirls at the back of the Superbus
painting the flat with help from my extended family

Life...is about choices

2007-01-17T02:39:00.000-08:00

Life is about choices

I have a classmate who lamented
how his workplace and colleagues are
non-supportive of his studies
and how he feels compelled to put in long hours
and has compromised his studies as a result.
We spent the next few minutes li-li-lor-lor-ing
I tried to think of ways to make his work life easier
till a sudden realisation led me to say:
"Wait a minute... you made a choice
You chose work over school
so...??"

As much as like him
My choice is clear
It's school for me
Almost certain academia is for life.
If such life-turning decision is made
without having to think hard -
it's as natural as my attraction to tiny-floral motifs
then why am I taking days to even
consider between two subjects?

So the question about the self
Are we more the product of choices
or circumstances?
It is so easy to conclude it depends, doesn't it?
Circumstances constrict us to certain routes
but still we make choices based on what we have
whether it's a dead end or cross-road junction
how we can turn back, stay put or proceed
Life's still about choices.

Like I can't really blame Mei for causing me constipation
when I was the one who made the choice
to ignore the urge of nature
when I was rushing one of her many demanding book orders.
Like I made the choice not to visit JiaPor more often
when I could brave the stern look of my boss
to plead for leave to finish the research paper
I couldn't just blame the lack of leave to go Malaysia.

One module is of interest
but I'm unsure what I can get out of it.
The other is useful but I dislike the work.
It's about which is more true to myself
gaining the skills or pursuing the ideal
In fact I know I made the choice already.

the note that almost made me cry...

2007-01-16T03:11:00.000-08:00

I read this four months late
(the super blur me :p)
this little treasure within
my precious homesick remedy
Sure I would have felt the same
had I discovered it
right in the midst of cold London
the tears would have warmed
and dried the gloomy weather
Hope I have made you proud.

Important Small Things

2007-01-07T06:19:00.000-08:00

As I go through my memory bank, this post will be a work-in-progress documenting all the seemingly minor acts that are extremely important to me. THANK YOU my friends, loved ones and beautiful strangers who are the fireworks that dazzle my (yet) insignificant existence:

- Mom's amusement at my wilful tantrums
- Bro's e-card
- Uncle Pat's sms checking on my indigestion problem
- The surprise appearance of Jade and Bud at the airport before I embarked on my solitary adventure in Europe
- Mayday's songs that kept me less homesick in UK
- BUD dragging a tacky China bag just to give me the 28 surprises
- Bren's "Xiao Xiao, r u ok?" at a time when I had too much going on
- The unexpected msn messages from My "Favoriter" that I was up for Princeton when I didn't feel quite motivated
- The email from Mr Ramani that spurred me on
- Linda checking on me after every exam
- The comforting smses when I was down from rejection by my Favouritest - The pass-it-on day traveller card from the black man when I was digging all my pockets inside out for my own. I will never forget his smile when he went down the elevator. Thank you for reminding me the power of sharing.

more to come...

People lost & found

2007-01-05T08:13:00.000-08:00

Bren the Supremest Rattling Queen,
wrote a simple yet touching account
her Year of Lost & Found
inspired by Bud's "Return of Bren".
Hate to admit but the sappy-averse me
felt severely nostalgic -
the times we hanged out
and took turns to embarass one another
with loud, excessive talking and hearty laughter
oblivious of the world around us.
Thanks Bren for finding me
It wasn't my graciousness
your generosity reunited us.

Wanying the old secondary friend,
whom I finally met over lunch
4 years since we last met.
The same old careless manner
and the awkward apology
for not keeping in touch
made me greatly amused
but what was the warm fuzzy feeling
that was swelling within the belly?
Not the meal of cos
it just felt good to catch up.

Wee Leong the evergreen ah beng
puffing as I saw him at the coffeeshop
Aged and fatigued he looked
did I appear the same to him?
Comforted he's come to terms
with his oldest profession
But why the tinge of sadness
I couldn't quite pinpoint
Was it the that lostness I thot
that remained in him
or was it in me who couldn't
quite let go?
Thank you for the old cliched tale
of how we got you back in school
Perhaps I did want that memory
Congrats on finally moving on
May you get it altogether my friend.

Bren, Wanying and Wee Leong -
Friends who were lost & found
They never really departed
as they stay in my cellage
They come, go and re-emerge
Don't we all move on
but they are still there and there
till one makes the move
to rekindle the touch.

Gee...I'm nice!

2006-12-26T08:58:00.001-08:00

The 28 gifts of love

2006-12-25T19:49:00.000-08:00

(similar to tune of 12 Days of X'mas...)

On the first day of my birthday, my close friends gave to me
I heart-shaped bracelet
Pair of heart shape earrings
and kisses of their luuurrrvvveee

With the hearts and the kisses the true friends gave to me,
12 bandagesssssss
8 packs of cookies
and 1 smiling middle finger

For these pressies of love
Signify all their wishes
Luck in romanccceee
Neverending kissessss
Never go a'huuunnngrrry
Heal all broken heaaarrrts
And a charm against all grief

Plus a little green bracelet which is my colour
To give me strength and da force
Finally the two watches
That my heart desireth
See me thru different 'casions
Added with surpriiissseeesss
In the form of choccccooo eeggg
These're my 28 gifts o' love

Oh my dear friends who have giveth me
So much o' luuurrrvvveee
1 Kinderth Surprise
Grinning Middle Finger
Pair of Hearty Earrings
Two Lovie Watches
Red and Greenie Bracelets
Pack of Fluffy Kisses
Eight Deli Cookies
Twelve Bandie Stickies
And Lotsa Love to last the whole yeeaaarrr.

(based on the little poem from Bud)

X'mas resolution 3: Keeping in touch with those I love

2006-12-24T08:17:00.000-08:00

You know who you are: my friends who are an important part of me and who have been here for me all this while!

There is a second group of people I love: the ones who left a deep impression in Europe. It might sound a tad pretenious by declaring that I love them though we only met briefly this September, how else could I explain how I think about Chris and Mom, Abby and Landau from time to time? The brief couple of hours on the journey when we put aside our own preoccupations and opened our hearts to include others without reservation? The ones whom I don't have pictures of - Linda from Ecosse International, the uncle beside me on the train to Edinbugh and Zu in Geneva- I remember all of you fondly. Though I have not kept in touch for months as promised, I resolve to do that this X'mas.

My friends, Merry X'mas!

X'mas resolution 2: Clear some clutter outta my life!

2006-12-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

Housekeeping has never been my forte. My colleagues use me as the benchmark for workstation cleanliness... thank goodness there is no clean desk policy in place in my company or else my boss, "Mr Carrier Man" for his red and white striped shirt would have added this to my list of sins (underneath 'disclosing P&C HR info in 5th Anniversary speech' and 'wearing red Chuck Taylors' among others) in his black notebook. While my workstation remains in catatrophic conditions, I am working towards clearing some clutter from my life and here is my proposed wholistic approach:

1. Clearing my room - I have spent this evening unpacking my luggage from Perth (some of the stuff inside were packed for Korea, passed down to Europe and then to Perth) and finally placed my luggage case in its restful position. Felt a tinge of sadness and loss as it was a conclusion to my jetsetting lifestyle in 2006. I wish I am back in London - the long walks at night, breakfast at Pret a Manger reading on Taiwanese politics, or among the theatre crowd at the interlude... I also packed away the many birthday and X'mas gifts of love from my friends and those that are not in my bursting wardrobe are in the neat blue China bag that the DWPers + SC have given me for my 28th birthday pack. Next on the agenda will be reorganising my books and notes which are stacked at the side almost reaching the ceiling and relocating my bookshelf, then I will be very set for a new academic semester in 2007. Gambatte neh XY!

2. Clearing my mind of neurotic excesses and memories which shouldn't be kept ie the regrettables aka PMM, the Fairfield shortie and the square from Times Bookshop days ...

3. Moving on from people who don't deserve my time - I shan't spend time naming these individuals

X'mas resolution 1: Stay off attached men

2006-12-21T16:34:00.000-08:00

Contrary to Bud's suggestion (albeit jokingly) that I should be a "scheming third party", I am going to stay off attached men. To start with, here is what I am going to do:

1. Getting down from forgetting to ignoring Perth: Seems like this friendship might even be hard to keep, especially when he wasn't even there to produce a listening ear as promised when I really needed someone to help sort out my thoughts re my academic direction. I know his gf is not in town now but I'm so not going to use the chance to get closer as per San's advice. My time deserves to be better used for ...

the following exceptions:

1. Ruppie: We are planning to wear matching matching red and white sneakers with jeans, as part of our campaign to raise $ for Children's Cancer Society. Have to take my hat over to Jen for coming out with such an ingenious idea (ie excuse) for us to break company rules. This is what I would call "everyday politics" (this might be a good blog category to apply all the political theories I have been picking up from school so as to ensure whatever loads of academic excesses I have hoarded in my brain will not degenerate into neurosis and diffuse into streams of consciousness and haunt me in nightmares -- I think the first signs of it are showing...oh no!)

2. The fluffy "Bless u" langzai: I am inviting him to breakfast on Saturday. It started just with the two of us but then I am asking another girlfriend and Ruppie along for ~~double date~~ sharing a whole table of carrot cake, fried kway teow, laksa, po piah...

3. The date I have been waiting for - Francis: I can't believe I have to put in so much effort in order to see Francis on Saturday - two trips to the post office and hunting over my drawers, not for the ideal outfit, but for my PDL, so that I can resume my driving lesson after a lapse of three months! I'm very sure Francis is so looking forward to this date too, he has been mentioning about me to Bud many a times. Oooooh.... absense makes the heart grow fonder...LOL...

And in order that I can fulfill this X'mas resolution, I am going to spend most of the X'mas holiday with thoughts of married male academics...

The READINGS...ok?!

The HIGH UNCERTAINTY AVOIDERS are causing me GRIEF!

2006-12-17T23:27:00.000-08:00

What is this world coming to???

People are driving me nuts within a span of 10 minutes on a sleepy Monday afternoon

Scenario One
P: ... You sounded impatient yesterday when I called you, what's wrong? If it's the same busy thing, then I sound like a broken record. It's so difficult to call you these days. We can meet another day if you really have no time this Wednesday...Maybe I am wrong to think this way... I am sorry if I always call you at the wrong time. I will sms next time.
(and goes on to arrange for appointment on Wed)

Me: Did I give you the impression that I am not keen to meet on Wednesday? I am actually looking forward to it. I told you on the phone yesterday that I was in the hospital visiting my colleague. You sounded uptight and hesitant to talk/put down the phone and it is difficult for me to talk when many people are around me...Yes, I'm afraid to say you are wrong to think this way and this is causing me grief. Are you too stressed recently that's why you are a bit sensitive?
(with a sigh of resignation, confirmed details on Wed's appointment)

((What I really MEANT to say: WTF? Who am I now? Your boyfriend? Puhleasssssse I am just a girlfriend who has drifted miles apart from you. And I am no longer the aunt agony whom you used to turn to time and again for all your problems and insecurities, and I don't wish to be the sinner who opts to let go time and again. Why do you have to insist on wanting to confirm details of Wed's appointment when this is just Monday and while I am battling sleepiness and crappiness inside while acting chirpy outside?! Pls let me accumulate good karma by denying me the chance to act neurotic about it and blogging for catharsis.))

Scenario Two
While my conversation with P was going on and the twenty minutes I was reeling over it, Ruppie was on the phone quietly with his gf quarrelling again... sigh~ She had been calling him cos he's playing the unresponsive game... another high uncertainly avoider causing me grief indirectly cos I wanted to complain about Scenario One to him!

Scenario Two
Me: Hi Auntie Lor Sor, are you free to coordinate getting a X'mas present for our boss?
Lor Sor: Ok, sure but pls tell me what I can get (and goes on asking five more questions)
Me: Erh... can I get back to you later pls? I am in the midst of something and I can't really talk now cos someone (P) is causing me a lot of grief
Lor Sor: Oh ok ok

(Two minutes later ...)

Lor Sor: (asking one question)
Me: (answered one question after another) x 5

((What I really MEANT to say:
PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS LEAVE ME ALONE! I WANT TO BLOG IN PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEE!))

The beast within me is a dark, wicked one...

2 X'mases...

2006-12-17T07:16:00.000-08:00

It's a year since T left
Placed him with memories behind my mind
It did not hurt as much as thought
As I was prepped for his leaving
No regrets it didn't work out
Cos I tried and knew it wasn't meant to be
But why did it hurt a wee bit more
One X'mas later?

Thoughts of T kept recurring
As I found a new focus
Have I settled for lesser
A he less critical and chivalrous
and yet more honest and uncomplicated
But why did both fail to notice the one before them?

2 X'mases and 2 misses
Angst not but pure weariness
I lament not for them who have bypassed me
But for the love that has evaded me
And the loneliness that will seep in this X'mas
Why is it always so complex?

"Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start"

Me stressed?!

2006-12-14T05:25:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of one of my favourite friends, Bren Bren, I am trying my hand at what I call a "rattling blog". A "rattling blog" is one where I can just express my random thots on whatever that comes to my mind. (Isn't this the case for many other blogs?!)

Not for me lor... I put in a lot of heart, soul and a few drops of tears as I wrote "Forget Perth..." It proved to be very healing for me as I got my close friends to read it and they felt the sadness. It's not about self-pity but rather unabashed vanity... embarassingly speaking. Rather I started to focus on other things (eg thinking about how I want to blog more regularly etc, slotting some reading inbetween so I won't be too demented over the school hols with all the socialising and feasting etc).

Next came my fifth anniversay speech which was a big high(light) of my pathetic life (while recovering from my lows from Perth). It was indeed a stroke of inspiration as I sat at my very messy desk (which was actually 5x2 messier since I started) half hour before the party. I was probably stressed by my colleagues' egging over lunch on how I should not make another normal boring speech (the kind that gives thanks to all colleagues etc) and it seemed natural that the "5" theme came along (that I have to give thanks to my fav MayDay). I was quite nervous (I must have told this to others at least ten times) and worried that nobody would laugh at what I was saying but the response was a v v pleasant surprise. (THANK U CAPITAL AGAIN... I LOVE U FOLKS!) That high lasted over the weekend and over the 5 hours as I sat on the crowded bus from Bahau to KL, next to a strange youth that had his hand on his crouch and I saw him trying to scratch discreetly...I made a conscious effort keeping awake just in case he decides to put his hand somewhere else... Anyway I kept myself awake by recalling the speech I made last Friday and about Perth. In the end I could almost memorize the speech backwards and I really wanted to forget Perth! (Haha Bud actually laughed when I told her this.)

I have to say thanks to Bud for reminding me that I might be settling for lesser in Perth. She thinks the sole exposure to the only guy available during the trip probably magnified his virtues disproportionately. At this point I don't quite agree but I respect her views. Hence I have decided to take our relationship easy. Well on record, we are "platonic friends" by definition cos I stated it thinking foolishly that it would set me free... but obviously Ruppie's theory only works for himself and me! (pls Minty n Bud and whoever, it is never possible with me n Ruppie!) I just hope this tranquil state of mind (or rather heart) will remain unfluttered when I see Perth for another round of "intellectual discussion" this Sunday (gosh I have not done serious reading yet! Been spending my time blogging and doing other nonsensical stuff...). Back to my long-suffering heart taking a break, I was so looking forward to be attracted to the "langzai" sitting in front of me but then I made 2 loud sneezes which were greeted by a very sweet, feathery and fluffy "Bless u"...gosh the normal me would have gotten my heart melted like the cheese fondue in the red pot I had in Geneva old town (which btw tasted good with pepper surprisingly!). But then if I have felt a tweeny bit of affection for J****n, I wouldn't have sneezed like the way I do in front of Ruppie to the langzai...Sigh~

"X***Q*** stop talking!" San laughingly told me as we were trying to cross the road with some cars approaching us from the distance. Wahahaha... was I really talking a lot last night? The only likely reasons I could think of my verbal diarrhoea at work and after were:
- I was happy to be back at work and seeing my colleagues
- I did not really want to work and so concentrated on spending my 8 hrs yakking
- I had not reached my 20,ooo word per day quota/day cos I was in Malaysia for the past 4 days and in KL especially I seldom talk. So I was catching up
- I was happy to be out of work and catching up with my old friends

EviL produced her two cents when she asked me first thing this morning.."Sis.. r you better? ... U seemed stressed yesterday cos u kept on talking."

Me stressed?!

Thank you X 5!

2006-12-13T06:15:00.000-08:00

As I look back upon my five years with Capital it amazes me that I have had a series of 5 milestones:

Achievements over the 5 years?
- I changed my hairstyles 5 times
- gained 5 kg
- my table is 5 times messier. There is this joke round the room that you can't see me with all the clutter on my desk
- 5 babies. S***n has 3 girls; L***a has 1 kid on the way and...Ruppie
- but yet never more than 5% increment

5 best things abt Capital:
- the distance. I always boast about the fact that I can wake up at 8.20am and then report for work at 9am. I am proud to say that I have the best punctuality record in the room.
- the view. From where I am sitting, I can see our new office and hopefully next time from the new office, I can see the old office.
- my workstation. All the space I have with allows me to have all the clutter. I still have the 2003 calender somewhere on my table.
- all the parties. Which explains the 5kg...
- the wonderful people here which brings me to the...

5 main groups of people i want to highlight and thank especially:
- I want to thank my ex-boss M Farley, who found higher calling in being a cordon bleu chef after 13 yrs in capital. I hope I won't take this long to get the same enlightenment
- my bosses - M**k - for giving us room to develop and improve on our roles, M*i - for keeping me very, very stimulated in the Taiwanese and Chinese markets, J*****er - for keeping us on our toes and yet often encouraging, J* - for being absent so I won't have to think of saying something good abt her--- i'm kidding here, she's a cool boss
- all the marketing assistants, past and present, for all their help
- the rest of the office who have been an important part of my life all this time
- my team - S***n - for being our mother hen, L***a - the resident rock chick with all her moves, E****e - for her sense of humor, Ruppie - for doing all the food runs when we are hungry in the afternoon. I work with a great team and I love u all guys.
This is why before I came to Capital I had 4 jobs in 4 yrs but after Capital it's 1 job in 5 years.

THANK U CAPITAL FOR THE GLORIOUS 5

Forget Perth...

2006-12-05T11:16:00.000-08:00

I am sad.

Forget about the nice long walk we took around the city.
the story he shared about the auntie whom he wanted to get chocolates for.
the cheesy bit about his love for public service,
that moved me greatly.

Forget about the nice intellectual conversation we had the first night,
over politics, hegemons and counter discourses.
Did he enjoy the epistemic exchange as much?
He must have shared a better one with her that dinner.

Forget about the meal where we took a break from academics
and he defended his shallowness.
If he was intrigued by brains and not appearance,
why did he fail to notice the one before him?
I stopped being conscious and declared us as friends,
little did I know i fell more deeply into it.

Forget about the common pursuit for knowlege
and the rush we got from envisioning the journey.
And the discussions on what we saw and heard.
Our dreams and goals,
how we aspire to join the league.

Forget about how contented I felt,
driven by him as we explored the valley.
Time seemed to stop and then stole away quickly.
His patience and quietness
as he told me I guided him to the same turn the fifth time.

Forget about how he took my crankiness, nagging
and teasing all in his stride,
yet somewhat seriously when I commented on his hair.
How he would look out for me,
and helped me along in his chivalrous uncharismatic ways.

Forget about the ice-creams we shared,
and how I was pained and happy to guide him to her heart.
Forget about how anxious he seemed
in his desire to know her better.

Haven't we shared enough to start seeing the one afront?
I did, will you?

Forget Perth.

blueskygreenpastures in Perth

2006-11-30T05:18:00.000-08:00

Was at my fav country at the end of the world. I learned that the clear blue sky, green pastures and deep blue water are best enjoyed alone or with bosom pals. The lovely bridge, cute pelicans set in the background of the bewitching cityscape. Why did it not feel right? Bud's right ("B1R2B2A1W1B2Y4"). Love is knowledge and it will let me free!

Blue Sky Green Pastures!

2006-08-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

I have my own travel blog now!! Check this space for my own piece of the bluie sky n greenie pastures!